Sunday, July 23, 2006

About Town

A family musical. Fun for the whole family . . . "Who Shit On My Head?"

Thursday, July 20, 2006

no limes

Brains Snapshots:

1. When i think that paying $2.00 for three lemons is a reasonable price, does that mean i'm almost fully acclimated to S.K., or that i've lost my mind???

2. Limes do not exist here. i've shopped everywhere. i'm beginning to believe they never existed. When a recipe calls for lime juice, can i substitute it with lemon?

3. Avocados are $2.50/each. i don't care. i want an avocado.

4. How can i convince the bakeries not to sugar garlic bread?

5. Dill and deviled eggs. Either one makes me a master chef in Gwangju.

6. Lotte corrected its wine error. No more chilled reds. Small miracle.

7. Korean men are all or nothing. When we meet, they know i'm married. That doesn't stop the uncomfortable flirting and innuendo. Apparently, i'm an immoral, sex machine. Thanks reality television . . . thanks for putting whitetrash whores over the airwaves so that i may be catagorized with them. By "whitetrash whore" i mean Paris Hilton et al.

8. The mechanic across the street cannot fix cars. Unless fixing cars consists of revving the engine then hitting it with a hammer.

9. "Never cry, 'WOLF!'" is not a universal sentiment. At any given point in our neighborhood it sounds like a child is dying. Then they laugh, and i stop looking for carnage.

10. Koreans find my small conservation efforts humorous or exciting.
10A. "Silly, white girl brings her own grocery bags to the store. Doesn't she know we have plenty of plastic ones she could just throw away?"
10B. "She may be a silly, white girl, but she saves me money on plastic bags."

Thursday, July 13, 2006


Alex is off crutches now. If this sentence alarms anyone, please comment and I'll allow my clutz of a husband to explain.

Hot. Wine. Cheese.

I did not go outside today until 6:30 PM. By 9:00 AM it was eclipsing the 85 degree mark, and the projected high had been 85. I wanted nothing more than to stretch out on the cold, cold floor and nap . . . all day. However, because I do not even rest at night, this was an unlikely scenario. Instead I drank water and read a book whose pages had become soggy from the humidity. At noon I cooked, and it was painful. I imagined the sun a broiler set to high, and those unfortunate enough to be outside, were walking on the oven rack that was set too close. Then I pretended to read more, but all the while was being distracted by a thermometer that tells me "it all looks better in Celcius". It used to look better in Celcius, but now I'm beginning to really understand how that works, so 35 degrees doesn't fair so well psychologically anymore.

When I did leave it was, as i mentioned 6:30 PM, and I passed by some flowers that had just begun to bloom. They were now wilted and passing to a quick demise. I've learned to walk slower, because if I walk at a Chicago pace, I sweat profusely and it looks like I've completed a marathon only moments before. I can't do much about stares because of my foreignness, but I'd rather not give the starers something to linger about.

Lotte Mart now has all kinds of cheese. I almost cried. I haven't seen Feta in a year and a half. Oh, they also had swiss, havarti, white chedder . . . that's when I stopped looking, because again, do not give starers a reason to linger. Though those that know me understand my emotional relief at the sight of these cheeses, to an outsider I look vaguely disturbed. I realized this while petting the havarti.

Lotte now also offers a decent selection of wine. This is also comforting, yet perplexing for two reasons. Since they expanded the section through rennovations, a wine refridgerator was added. The subtlety of wine is lost on most Koreans, as they cannot seem to grasp foreign influences without Koreanizing them. It's true of food, fashion, entertainment, and beverage, at least here in Gwangju. Therefore, because all alchoholic beverages are preferred ice cold, red wine is chilled. I was given a nice bottle of chilled-to-near-freezing red wine for my birthday. After it thawed, it was delicious. If that is not interesting enough, ask me about the cognac.

The second reason for the perplexity is the cheese they have chosen to sell alongside the wine. While I fully agree with the choices of Camembert and Brie, I cannot understand the "Jalapeno Balls". The product is a large plastic bag filled with smaller plastic bags, each bag containing varied amounts of said balls that resemble rabbit turds in every way but color. I cannot, for the life of me, imagine eating this cheese with the suggested bottle of $45 wine. It seems more suited to a fraternity house, and even there the little turds would end up being flung like gunless bb's instead of consumed.

That is my day. Hot. Wine. Cheese.